Week of November 25th

Also, for surviving, a treat of Jim Smith (as well as another sample blotter below):
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Elegant Holiday Dining with Jim
By Jim Smith
Well, it’s holiday time again – starting off with Thanksgiving (otherwise known as, for the less reverent, Turkey Day or, even worse, the Day before the Biggest Shopping Day of the Year).
It’s the time when the Sunday supplement starts publishing tips for the perfect feast two weeks in advance – which is better than Christmas tips – already in the paper for a month now.
National Public Radio gets into Thanksgiving early too. Yesterday I listened to Garrison Keillor’s Lake Wobegon Thanksgiving Show and, gol darn it, he used all the good Thanksgiving lines, so now I have nothing original to share. (Right now you’re probably saying, “Smith, you NEVER say anything original!”)
Just the same, I’d like to contribute something to the impossible dream of the “perfect” Thanksgiving turkey recipe. In this case, it’s a no-fail E-Z s-l-o-w cooking recipe for the big bird. It’s called Crock Pot Turkey. The secret is to get the big bird into the crock pot early – like a week in advance of the big Thursday.
Simply toss the frozen turkey into the pot some time today, plastic wrapper and all. In a few days, the wrapper will come off easily and at this point you can check the bag of giblets in the cavity. Discard the plastic or save it for the soup stock pot for “week-after” turkey soup. It all tastes good when it comes from the crock pot.
If the bird is too big for your crock pot, dump it into a galvanized wash tub and pop into the oven pre-heated to 150 degrees. If it seems to be cooking too fast, crack the oven door after a few days. (This will help keep the house toasty – and smelling great.) Add the ready-made stuffing when the football pre-game show begins next Wednesday.
That’s all there is to crock pot turkey cookery. It’s as easy as cooking a porcupine, which a friend of mine said his mother fixed one Thanksgiving when times were tough. When I asked my friend what it tasted like, he told me, “just like horse.”
He claims that porcupine is what the Indians fixed before the pilgrims arrived. I don’t know if that’s true – I’ll have to ask my Swinomish friends – but I DO know that the pilgrims brought green Jell-O salad to the first Thanksgiving on Cape Cod as an apology for eating all the corn that the Indians had stored the previous winter.
And that brings me to another favorite Thanksgiving recipe: fermented lime Jell-O salad. You can begin this traditional dish anytime during the year. Begin it early in a wooden crock as soon as possible after you find somebody who can give you some Jell-O salad starter from last year. Then, add cabbage, carrots, radishes, and whatever suits your fancy during the fermentation process.
This Jell-O treat will be as fresh and aromatic as kimchi on Thanksgiving. If you would like to add a traditional touch that dates back to the pilgrim days, instead of a dollop of Miracle Whip as garnish, adorn your holiday gelatin with maple leaves like those that fell from the trees when the salad was being transported through the Rhode Island woods to Massachusetts back in the early 1600s. This adds a nice crispy crunch topping too.
Thanksgiving wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without squash pie. (I recently learned that Libby’s, the primo pumpkin pie mix company, stopped using pumpkins a few years back, so now it’s just “squash pie” that we love.) Just put the unopened Libby’s can in the oven with the turkey a few days before Thanksgiving. On the big day spoon it onto a frozen pie crust. (The ice cream served with the pie doesn’t melt half as fast as it does on a baked pie crust.)
Don’t panic over your cranberry recipe. Just run some warm water over the berries a few minutes before your guests sit down at the table and serve. Walnuts are optional. So are contaminants like strontium 90.
There you have it! Add a hundred pounds of mashed potatoes and you’ve got the whole feast. And don’t worry about clean up, Christmas is just around the corner so you can leave everything on the table, it’ll look festive!
But just one final serious note: When you’re giving thanks before dinner on the holiday, be extra thankful that I’m not cooking it!


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Tuesday Nov 10
3:07 p.m.: Drug Problem – Report that a man in a pickup was possibly dealing drugs near La Conner High School after class. The deputies have the name and vehicle description and will be watching for him.


Wednesday Nov 11
12:58 p.m.: Graffiti – Caller saw a boy with a skate board spray paint graffiti the road near Maple Ave and Washington St., La Conner and then spray paint on the underside of his skateboard. When the boy noticed he was being watched, he threw the paint can in the bushes and left. A deputy contacted a boy on a skateboard with blue paint on his fingers matching the paint on the road. After questioning, the 11-year-old La Conner boy admitted he was the painter. He was referred to juvenile courts for malicious mischief.

5:52 p.m.: Drug problem – La Conner caller reported that a person they know is abusing illegal drugs. The deputy took the information and will be investigating.


Thursday Nov 12
5:15 p.m.: Skaters – Report that four or five kids on skateboards were skating in Gilkey Park at the waterfront end of Morris St., La Conner, near a sculpture in an area posted no skating. The kids were gone when the deputy arrived.


Friday Nov 13
2:37 p.m.: Oops! – A 911 call was made from a business near the La Conner Marina. When the dispatcher called back, the business said there was no problem, just an accidental misdial.

7:51 p.m.: Worrisome – A caller saw a woman jump or being pushed out of a slow moving car on Maple Ave., La Conner. Caller was afraid it was a domestic violence situation. The deputy found the woman, who said she had been drinking and got into an argument with the man driving. She said she bailed out of the car and did not realize how fast it was going. She said she wasn’t physically assaulted and just wanted to walk home and cool off.


Saturday Nov 14
11:57 p.m.: Fight – A caller said men were waiting for him outside La Conner Tavern to fight him and that he just wanted to leave town peacefully. Deputy determined that the caller was a Boston Red Sox fan and the other man, a New York Yankees fan, wanted to fight. The deputies kept the peace.
Sunday Nov 15

4:01 p.m.: Oops! – Several people were at an event at the Skagit County Historical Museum in La Conner when an employee accidentally set off the alarm.