Notes from Pull & Be Damned -4/14

By Jim Smith

If we compare our little town’s problems to our big country’s problems, it seems pretty mundane; nevertheless, many of us are very serious about the decisions we have to make soon on three disputed town issues:
(1) Surveillance cameras are on tap to be installed at undisclosed locations, but residents are not in agreement with either the installation or the suggested locations.
(2) The town is planning a bike trail down Maple Avenue, angering some residents who may lose trees and privacy in their front yards. And,
(3) The La Conner Library needs more space for meeting rooms and computers, but doesn’t have a site to locate the needed building.
Whatever the solutions, the town is hoping they will all be brought to fruition through the magic of stimulus funds heading our way (we hope) one of these days. As a responsible Pull & Be Damned creative problem solver, I’m offering the following ideas to help La Conner during its hour of need. And, don’t worry, I’m not asking for one stimulus buck in compensation for my expertise:
(1) If La Conner really needs surveillance cameras, I say locate them across the street from the public restrooms, monitoring who goes in and how long they stay – and not just because of the “hurry up in there, I’m standing in line and gotta go” issue.
We will quickly find out if any illicit overnight camping is going on there and immediately dispatch toilet deputies. The town will charge the culprits a fair rate for sleeping bag space and use of laundry and bathing facilities. (Otherwise, the deputies will see to it that their next camp site is in Pioneer Park.) It’s a win-win solution in these days of the “lesser” depression: the town treasury will benefit from the extra income and the campers will appreciate the reasonable recreational rates.
(2A) As to the bike trail location, I think the proposed trail is poorly located. The town should try thinking “inside the box” and direct bicyclists through downtown. True, it’s a congested area, but only for cars. There’s plenty of room for today’s skinny bicycles to squeeze between cars that are barely moving anyway. From there, the bikes could follow a new rustic trail on the proposed boardwalk (on the town’s back burner) along the Channel and under the bridge and up through Pioneer Park. No need to cut trees or dig up grass or anything. Simple and cheap! Just a few signs to indicate a “Self-Guided Bicycle Trail.”
(2B) Another cycling solution would really expand horizons. This would entail putting the bike trail on top of the proposed “ring dike” (also on the back burner) on the perimeter of flood-threatened La Conner with the trail running along the wild and scenic Sullivan Slough.
Granted, this would doubtless upset the Hedlins and the Crams whose farmland the cyclists would be rolling through. So to sweeten the deal, the town itself could be given to the farmers in exchange for the trail rights. The concerned farmers would be appointed Emperors for Life for their contributions to the health of the community.
The town would then be renamed “Cramfield,” “Hedlinville” or “Sullivanland.” Again, no big expenses involved once the dike is built. And it would be quite an adventure for the cyclists, not to mention the town and the new emperors.
(3) Now, for the expanded library site challenge. Obtaining land is always expensive in La Conner, so the success of the library project depends on the cooperation of major land owners. For instance, Vaughn Jolley has expansion plans of his own for the former Moore Clark industrial property. His plans have been languishing in recent years and the property is currently reverting back to its original industrial use.
This residential/commercial property is ripe for a stimulus package. I propose adding this property to the Historic District with no height restrictions (to encourage development). Make the new La Conner Library a grand showplace with several floors, high ceilings and globe light fixtures hanging over large oak library tables.
Install state-of-the-art computers, color printers and copiers capable of producing books and posters that will satisfy the literary needs of the community and others in the greater Northwest. Include small apartments for poets (Robert Sund Poet’s House) who come for the biennial Poetry Festival and, like the rest of us newcomers, artists and musicians, never want to leave the “Magic Skagit”. Make it a library of La Conner and Swinomish culture that will survive and thrive for a thousand years as the Swinomish Slough ebbs and floods at its doorstep.
In other words, dream big crazy dreams. And don’t forget, there’s no charge for Pull & Be Damned stimulus advice.